Wednesday, October 12, 2011

week 6.1

This week has been interesting so far. Just got off a long weekend. Fairly boring as most of the hall was empty. Classes just started back up today and what a day it was. Today was one of those days where my body woke me up earlier than my alarm was set. So today my day started off at 4:30 am, took a shower and prepped for the day. Registered for classes as soon as it opened at 6 am. Went to International Cuisine, a lab I was shadowing for communication skills. The lab was really cool to sit in and watch. Today they covered Vietnamese and Thai food. I was really happy to get some food with some spice finally. Then on the 3 hrs of sleep I got today went to my academics after lab. Had my midterm in nutrition today. Got a 92.5% on the midterm. So maintaining a 4.0 average in that class :) and keeping my 3.25 gpa.

While I was at International Cuisine today I noticed something. Even though I may not have been cooking today. I was happy to be in the kitchen. It was really cool smelling the fresh ingrediants today which included lemon grass, galangal root, and lots of chili peppers. I guess this realization is an affirmation of sorts. A true gut feeling telling me I'm in the right place.

In other news still "yearning" as my father put it. I don't know if that's something that I can stop. With every thing that's happened. I just want something secure for once. Someone I know that'll be there for me when nothing else is. I'm making it by here, but it's hard (and not in the studies part). I mean sure if you look at it I've always had parents who love me, relatives, and friends. But part of me strongly believes that whatever shattered in me from my parents divorce is killing my love life. I've been told numerous times I'm a "nice guy," not that it helps. Normally that just gets me landed in the friend zone, or worse. I know I'm a nice guy, but it doesn't help when you feel like you're coming in last all the time. Having all the friends in the world doesn't substitute for having a significant other. That one person you can rely on with your life come better or worse.

I thank God for the friends that I do have that I can go to about anything. They all know who they are. For without them keeping me grounded I think I would have a much harder time here. If anything they listen to my rants and aid me in distracting me from what I'm currently feeling. Which may have been an issue my last time at school, but I used something else to escape. I went to something that I knew I could lose myself for hours and not care. I delved into a few online video games more so than I had before. I escaped so I didn't have to confront any of the pain that I've pushed off for so long. A pain that I really didn't know existed until I got out on my own. Pain that I was able to push off for 11 years, and now it is coming back to bite me. This time however I'm not running.........

Also noticed how the best time to write these blogs is early morning when I'm my most creative/ when my defensive barriers are down. Intriguing....


1 comment:

  1. I think you are right. And running never really gets you anywhere but where you started anyway. "Wherever you go, there you are."

    The love of your life is out there. You just aren't ready for her yet.

    Keep yearning.